The Do’s and Don’ts of Preggo Talk

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So…as I reach the end of my pregnancy, I am reaching my level of tolerance for the comments that I hear on a daily basis. Most of the time, people are genuinely happy and sweet with their words, but you’d be surprised how often I have encountered less than stellar words from people…which leads me to this post, here are just my personal thoughts on what you can and can’t say to a pregnant women:
(by the way, this picture below is me yesterday…showing off the bump and proud!)

Wow, you’re stomach is really small”- Ummmm, a small belly is not necessary a good thing when you’re pregnant. I personally felt really protective when people used to tell me I was really small…because when you’re pregnant, you want to know your baby is growing and getting big. It’s better to mention how beautiful the belly is and never comment on the size.

Wow, you’re huge!”- Ugh, this is one of my least favorite things to hear…If you say this to me, expect a fake smile and a heavily dosed sarcastic response somewhere along the lines of “yeah, that’s what happens when you’re pregnant”. Again, stay away from mentioning the size of a woman’s belly.

Enjoy the last days of your freedom”- I hate hearing this…like I have just sentenced myself to prison when in fact, this was a decision we made as adults and we willingly put ourselves in a position where our life would change…and we’re excited for it. Yes, things won’t ever be the same, but we have had a wonderful first chapter and we’re excited for the next one.

You’re planning on breastfeeding, right?”- This question is only acceptable when it’s not implied and when it’s not coming from a stranger. I 100% believe that every woman should feel free to do as they feel is best for themselves and their baby. Some women can’t breastfeed or don’t want to and that’s okay. It’s not for anyone to chose for them. I am planning on breastfeeding but I do feel defensive when I’m asked about it as if that’s the ONLY way to do things. It’s not your business and it’s definitely not your place to tell any woman what/how they should care for their baby.

I can’t believe you’re working out/bike riding/walking in heels/carrying groceries/dancing/etc…you need to be more careful.”-  Here’s a news flash, pregnant women are not fragile. The female body is amazingly strong and yes, I do feel a little more winded than I did prior to being pregnant, but I certainly don’t feel fragile or weak. I trust myself, my body and my baby…and I have common sense. If I feel that something is not possible for me to do or it causes me any pain, then I don’t do it. I’m a big girl…I know my limits so please don’t tell me what I can and can’t do.

Aren’t you scared?!”- This is such a loaded question. When I tell people “no”, they immediately tell me why I should be. I feel like there is such a weird fixation with today’s society and labor horror stories. It’s kind of gross and definitely not appropriate to bring up to a pregnant woman. So instead of going down that road, better to say “women are truly amazing to be able to handle something so incredible as childbirth”…that’s bound to get you a better response ;)

And my least favorite thing comes from other parents…usually from parents of not well behaved children:
This is what you have to look forward to”- This sentence usually comes when a parent has their hands full with a loud, crying, screaming child. Then they’ll see me and my belly and say that line. I bite my tongue because what I would like to say is “just because you can’t raise a well behaved child doesn’t mean I can’t”. Guess it’s true, misery does love company…but I’m too busy keeping company with blissfully happy to accept that invitation.

So here’s looking forward to less of the above and more of the following:
“You look great!”
“You’re glowing and your belly looks beautiful!”
“You must be so excited!”
“Your life is going to change in a wonderful way!”
“Babies are amazing!”

XOXO,
Martha

14 thoughts on “The Do’s and Don’ts of Preggo Talk

  1. Lisa says:

    Great post Martha! I have to admit I have not been around too many pregnant women in my lifetime but I know my friends will soon begin to start families of their own and after reading this I can get a better feel for what to say when it does happen. I can see how some of those things would be totally irritating! Congratulations on your next chapter, you look beautiful and I’m sure your baby will be amazing! :)
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  2. Ani says:

    Martha, I am sorry you have to deal with such stupid comments. It comes from people who have no idea how exciting and beautiful it must be to carry out a baby. I have told you along, that you look really really beautiful and you and your hubby make such a sweet couple and soon parents to be. Wish you all the best :-)

    Ani
    http://www.fleurani.blogspot.de

  3. i agree with EVERY single thing you said. When about 8 months preggers with our youngest daughter, someone said oh wow you only look ____ months. WHy does the size matter- are u saying my baby won’t be healthy? Size has nothing to do with how the baby will be and i felt defensive too….even when some people touched it. I don’t kno if thats wierd but I didn’t like people touching the belly without asking first. Love you showin of that gorgeous belly bump. you’re always glowing in your photos- xO!
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  4. Nathy says:

    “Here’s a news flash, pregnant women are not fragile.” Lmao, I love it. GREAT post, Martha. The only thing I would add is that the parents who tell you “This is what you have to look forward to” are probably very burnt out, and kids aren’t always super well-behaved. They all have beautiful moments, and crazy demon-child moments. Doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not well-behaved children, or that the parents aren’t doing a good job raising them to function well in society.

    Of course, if you know these parents and the kids area always like this, now that might be a different story. Lol.

  5. Cindy says:

    I would give people the benefit Of doubt. I got plenty of such comments when I was pregnant and what I have realized it is that people generally mean well when they say such things.

  6. hayleigh says:

    YES! I am all about POSITIVE stories and comments for pregnant ladies/new parents. Awesome!! And huge congrats on your new baby girl :)

  7. June says:

    That was so much fun to read and I completely agree with you on all the pointers you’ve written. In spite of whatever anyone would have said to you the truth is that you do look great and you’ve were glowing and looking fabulous throughout your pregnancy! Congratulations on your little doll! Hope to see a blog post and her pictures soon :) xx
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  8. Pip says:

    Haha! This is how I felt when I was pregnant, but I really disliked when “men” would tell me to get all the sleep now while I still can when I was 30+weeks pregnant like I was sleeping like a champ when I was at the end of my pregnancy. NOt!!!! LOL! And, I get plenty of sleep after having my kid. I did sleep training and my kid sleeps like a champ! So, keep on keeping on and enjoy this last bit of your pregnancy and enjoy your baby no matter what anyone says. We all know it’s rough, but Motherhood is one of the most rewarding parts of life! :)
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